A641.7.3.RB - Appreciating Your “Real Self”

The Lifeline exercise puts into perspective the significant moments throughout my life that I am proud of or has influenced me. Doing this exercise, I reflected to when I started my educational “career” in 1994. I didn’t complete my BS degree many years later, 2012. After thinking awhile, it occurred to me that during this time frame, how many life changing events occur that cause me to put my degree on hold. Despite the events that took place, I remember the ups and downs dealing with many different situation. Tearing up my knee ending my athletic career, the problems I caused myself being involved in the street life, my enlistment in to the National Guard and Army, seeing the birth of my children, and my accidental finding of a career in aviation. This “accident of a career” was never in my plans, but it has changed the direction of mine and my family’s life. By focusing on times when you felt the happiest and the most emotionally alive, as well as the times that were difficult, the exercises will help you better understand yourself. (Boyatzis & McKee, 2005)

For the past 20 years, my Social Identity has basically revolved around being a member of the armed forces, and everything that’s connected to it. There were the sub groups that involved my rank, groups and clubs that I belonged to, and mainly the schools I attended. McLeod (2008) Wrote, “This is known as in-group (us) and out-group (them).  Social identity theory states that the in-group will discriminate against the out-group to enhance their self-image. The central hypothesis of social identity theory is that group members of an in-group will seek to find negative aspects of an out-group, thus enhancing their self-image.” While I didn’t discriminate against anybody, there was always a us and them mentality that was enforced by the groups we belonged to. Today, the variation of group affiliations has changed, but it is just a shift in one entity to another. Being able to realize this shift in consciousness, helps me connect the future with the past, and fill any gaps, or possible mistakes that I may have made the first time. The group think mentality is the same regardless of the purpose of the group, and the only variation is what you choose to do the second time around, when compared to the first.

One of the biggest transitions of my life, came when I entered into the workforce, and I was forced to learn what diversity was. This was a tremendous struggle at first, and it took time for me to adjust. Transitions are very special times. They are times of uncertainty and emergence. (Boyatzis & McKee, 2005) Through this period of transition, I had to learn that my little world was just that “my little world”. Both my military and civilian careers I was introduce to new people and cultures. I was no longer in the South where everything in my world was “black and white. And even my thought of black and white was changing. One strength of mine that I realized, or reinforced from the exercises, is that I am a quick learner, and I can read between the lines sort of speak, on emotions, behavior and attitude of the people I am with, and the people who are where I want to be. This attribute correlates between me being a leader at work, and at home with my family or in relationships. I like to think that being good at one dynamic; will also help me to improve in another. I learned to adapt, be more inclusive, and accepting of all our differences.

When analyzing people, I see what they have done to get where they are, and piece my progression together using them as a sample or template. I have always taken the attitude that you need to know where you are in relation to where you want to be. I came from a rough area. I looked at those that were successful and said to myself if they could I could. The strengths that others see in me, like my patience, and my humanistic side, helps develop the role I play as a leader, and a father. It might be healthier for us to accept that there’ll always be a work/life overlap. After all, the more we come to appreciate the different areas that make up our lives, the more likely we are to enjoy each of those areas and experience greater overall happiness. Like the balance of a scale, one side influences the other.

Activities and situations that I tend to avoid is something that I have previously done years ago, but without this set format or parameters. Every so often, I sit down and I make a list of the things I think I need to improve on. One reoccurring theme that consistently makes the list, be more assertive and reach farther. I would look back a situation that if I were bolder or assertive, how the situation would be different. Because this was always on my list, I decided to overcome this dislike, and change my outlook. There are still times I wish I had taking certain risk, but now I’m more calculated then afraid of risk.

When describing the “Roles” we play within our individual lives or society, I think that every exercise up to this point enforces our inherent need to play out a role that is defined by our strengths, a group, a social standing or identity, and it all points back to our life line. The accumulation of events and achievements throughout our lives, creates the role that we consciously or subconsciously should play out. They are all circular and connected, and define us as who we are, what we do, our behavior and what we are capable of. Because of the group dynamic, this in turn influences us, or others, to approach or rescind from a person or situation with fear or confidence, but to again create another experience, or group mate.  This is the cycle of life and the social experiment we live by. Each new person we accept in our lives, we take a piece of the influential or beneficial traits and mannerisms, and carry them with us. Just like learning a new skill or job, you carry that with you to your new place of employment, even though they might do the exact same thing just a little bit different.

References

Boyatzis, R., & McKee, A. (2005). Resonant Leadership. Boston: Harvard Business Press.